The real horror movies:
• Colic. The gas, the screaming, the earplugs, the car seat next to the dryer: You've never seen — or heard — anything more frightening. And even if it's not colic, it could be.
• First Year Molars. Springing sharp and angry from their gummy pink nests, these enameled fear mongers leave chewed-up bagels and inconsolable crying in their wake.
• Projectile Spit-up. Forget locusts and hailstorms, these sour puddles shoot down from above, and nothing — not cashmere sweaters, not Persian carpets, not the vulnerable, freshly-scrubbed flesh of people's necks — is spared.
• Dawn of the Laundry. A terrifying heap of stinking onesies and burp cloths multiplies overnight and rampages through an innocent household.
• Germs! Quake with fear while strangers cough into baby's face and touch his hands; watch in dread as baby contracts impetigo from "well-baby" checkup; shiver at the very sound of the word coxsackie.
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